Gyanama Musings - Anahata

Today’s Anahata class, part of our online journey through the Chakras, brought up a train of thoughts regarding Love for the Self and Love for others. Most would agree that it takes Self Love to love others. All the “only if your vessel is full ,it can overflow and spread to others” and “if you do not care for yourself, how can you care for others” is widely accepted and in thought form integrated. Now where did we even have to start the conversation and where do I think it deserves some more time to reflect?

I live in a country (India) where it is widely expected to sacrifice the Self for the greater good of the (very big) family system. It is a custom in Hinduism (not practised by all, of course) that the bride is given a new name (first name) by her husband. She fully changes her identity, leaves behind her family, her name, her friends and moves in with his family under a new name. It is expected of her to fully shed her old skin and devote herself to the wellbeing of her husband’s mother and of course all family, to bear child (boys preferably) and to happily do so. Of the husband is expected to provide for his family, to gift gold, sarees and many other luxuries and comforts to his wife, parents and children. An economical crisis, loss of job or business completely devalues the man, as that is what he is identified with. There is no Self Love. Well, there is not sense of Self to start with, only love (or slavery in my own humble opinion) for the others. It leaves no space for individuation or gathering clear thoughts as to the meaning in life. People are so very much (even very educated people) in these structures that it is difficult to find oneself and to practise anything remotely close to Self Love, as how can you love the Self if you do not know who you are as an Individuum outside the family system?And if one family member tries to escape the system, the others make sure to pull that member back into loyalty to the system. Whatever it takes. Threats, tears, manipulation, drama, violence …. The family structure makes sure one stays in line.

I come from a country (Switzerland) where we are seemingly very free, children move out soon, make their own money, marriage and having children seems for many more of a burden than a blessing and generally any firm commitment is avoided, if possible without being rude, as one does not want to be rude. It is called the modern life, independent and on the flipside of the coin, lonely for many, isolated. Self-care, work-life-balance are words used even in a corporate context, whole workshops and retreats, courses and coaching circle around that topic.In my opinion it leads to the polar opposite: an unwillingness to connect, to get involved, to take responsibility and most of all an unwillingness to grow. There is this plastic, artificial youth craze glorified in the media on a more obvious level (plastic surgery, diet craze, beauty industry, all the photoshopping and distorting reality) and more subtly we are mentally encouraged to stay in the phase of the Archetype Maiden (I will refer to women only as from now, as that is what my work focuses on – of course we have the same pattern for men). The Phase of the Maiden starts with the onset of Menarche (first bleeding) and when the young woman matures she starts to be ready to give birth to either a physical child, a work child a creative child … a project she puts her passion in and takes care of. Because she is able and willing to step up and take a responsible role in society, to care for herself and others.

Now in the balance of Self-love and Love for others there is a fine line. I live in Goa where the hedonist hippie traveller lifestyle is on show, with people who renounce any kind of responsibility, hop from season to season, relationship to relationship, spiritual concept to spiritual concept and fill the inner emptiness with full moon rituals, Shakti healing, Kundalini awakening in 21-days and lots of Patchouli – all under the “brand” Self-Love. I do feel in this “movement” a lot of pain and not so much love, a lot of bypassing and entitlement, and a wounded unwillingness to grow up, to step up. Into a grown woman, into the Archetype of the Mother. I also see a short attention span and an unwillingness to face adversity and a hijacking of spiritual concepts to excuse an unwillingness to grow up and take self-responsibility in life. These women stay all their lives in the role of the Maiden, which has nothing to do, once again, if a woman has children or not. I know physical Mothers who, in their 50ies are still in the role of the Maiden. And I know young women who have no children, who have very much been initiated into the Archetype of the Mother. We need women who can set boundaries, devote themselves to their own inner journey, heal their trauma, wounds and conditionings and are willing to love themselves, despite all the ugliness and rawness this inner journey can bring upon. We need these brave women to enjoy life (according to what is enjoyment to them not according to what is perceived as enjoyment by social standards), to nourish their souls, connect with their inner child and the  divine and to let their hair down. And we need these women to stand up and raise, as forces to be reckoned with, to care, to feel, to have the capacity for compassion and empathy in whatever form it will show itself depending on her individual soul purpose.

As with all my musings I write down my own personal perspective on the observations I make about our joint experiment co-existing on this beautiful planet.